ÉÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ» º º º BuddhaNet: Buddhist Info Network Buddha Dharma Education Assoc. º º Web Site: www.buddhanet.net PO Box K1020 Haymarket NSW 2000 º º Email: bdea@buddhanet.net Tel: +61-2-92123071 AUSTRALIA º º º ÈÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍͼ -------------------------------------- How to find the right partner the Buddhist way - Venerable Antonio Satta -------------------------------------------------- Abridgement of Unibuds Dhamma talk given on Friday, May 28th 1993 at the University of NSW. ----------- I would like to start with a short meditation. This way we can think about listening positively tonight and having loving kndness towards others. First relax yourself and let go according to the worries that you feel. ----- The Buddha wanted to find perfect enlightenment. He practised for eons to obtain wisdom and accumulate merits. After Buddha became enlightened, he spent a few weeks thinking about what he should do. Eventually he gave his first teaching in Seranskian, India. The Buddha realised Nibbana and confusion both come from the mind. So his first teaching comprised the Four Noble Truths. [These truths are namely; Suffering, its cause, ie Craving, its end, ie Nibbana, the way or path leading to the cessation of suffering, ie the Middle Way.] To the first five disciples he taught see suffering as suffering. When we say suffering, we mean Dhukka. Dhukka stands for unsatisfactoriness or something missing. The Buddha stressed suffering very much. Why did he do this ? If we don't feel any suffering in our life, then there is no need to practise religion, be it Buddhism, Christianity, Islam or whatever. The purpose of religion is to help all sentinent beings. The sufferings of change are experienced by everyone all the time. For example after you have been walking, you feel tired, and after you sit down, you feel happy. But after that you want to get up and walk again. The same applies when you are hungry or being bored with a friend. If it was real happiness that you were experiencing, then the more you do it the happier you should feel. Initially when you do something you have a pleasant or happy feeling, but after you indulge in something for too long, then you feel dissatisfied. If we look at our daily life, we go from one object to another and we have so many ups and downs. The Buddha talked about ego-grasping suffering and the self-centred mind. We should check the way we feel about ourselves. For due to this misconception we create a strong gap between others(Dualism) and ourselves - this causes both friends and enemies to arise. Because we have "me", we have attachment. How can we enjoy food or a certain person without desire or attachment ? What caused the happiness ? When do we actually feel happy ? Is it when the juice of the orange meets the tongue ? Is that when we can say we enjoy the moment ? In fact if there initial attachment, then we will not enjoy the experience. Attachment is an exaggeration of the quality of the object or person. Attachment magnifies and projects the concept of the object to be perfect and desirable in our mind. If everybody could view the same thing with the same attachment, every one would feel the same level of desire for it. But different people view different objects with different attachments. This demonstrates that whatever we see is due to our own personal attachment, and it never exists, except in our mind. Attachment can make our friends seem so pleasant. Yet when we get to know them well, we often have so many doubts about them! What is the right partner ? What is the right way to look for such attachments ? What is the right path for our mind ? Knowing our mind is the best partner! The mind completely projects good and negative things. If we have the right mind, then this can be a great partner. We can see people without attachment or desire. If a repulsive object comes before our mind, our mind will exaggerate its features. Our attachment will also bring us great suffering. What really bothers us, is mental suffering. What destroys peace in the mind is anger, hatred, and resentment. This is our worst partner. We need mental peace . We must protect our mind. We must analyse our view of our enemies carefully. Consider this Mahany Text from the 8th Century:- If somebody beats you with a stick, do you get angry with the stick or the person ? The stick actually causes the pain, but it is foolish to get angry at the stick. To whom do we get angry ? We get angry at the person who is beating us. But behind his action, there is always motivation. Why do they beat you ? They beat you because of their own anger. Their anger is motivating them to beat you with the stick. Should you get angry at their anger ? Because of causes and conditions, their anger has arisen. But anger rises and falls. After a while their anger will pass. One day our mother who loves us so much comes home completely drunk and beats us up. Do we hold our anger against her ? It is difficult for us to get angry at our mother. Her anger is shortlived through the influence of alchohol. We should generate compassion for her and our enemies. Our enemies are under the influence of anger, and we should have compassion for them. The path leading to peace and the right partner is through being disciplined and mindful. Phenomena and objects exist in a form but our ego grasping mind exaggerates their faults. The worst partner we can have is a self-cherishing mind with intense ego-grasping qualities. We should look at people for the proper way they exist. Good luck and good night ! Q1 How do we help others if they have anger ? A1 You should contemplate the pain of anger, mental defilement, and confusion. You see something that does not exist. If you are angry, you cannot sleep properly nor enjoy eating. When you have anger, then even your friends become enemies. When anger arises, you can't enjoy friendship. To eliminate anger - the first step is to think about its effects. You must generate patience. This is so important for your mental peace. Patience is the antidote to anger. Think a moment, we cannot contemplate on patience, unless we have an enemy. It is through our enemy that we can gain patience. Our enemy is our Guru; our greatest friend ! We should rejoice at our enemies - they teach us how to master patience ! A hundred years ago, a Lama in Tibet was advised that he should get rid of his rude and angry servant. The Lama replied that the servant gave him much to contemplate on to improve his own patience ! Q2 What if we want to stop other people's anger ? A2 We have to wait until the person is free from anger. Not all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas can change an angry person. We must wait until the person's anger has subsided before discussing with them respectfully about their short temper. It is very difficult to change someone when they are angry. Q3 What do you mean about seeing suffering as suffering ? A3 We should realise that all things have cause and effect and will rise and fall. Q4 How can we help someone with great attachment ? A4 Try to explain the real situation to the person. Is the object of the person's attachment real ? Then, if that is the case, then everyone should feel the same way towards it. If others don't feel the same way, then it should be explained to them that perhaps the object is not so important. Q5 Can people have too much detachment ? A5 Yes, for example, with children, too much detachment could mean they have no respect for others or desire to help others. Their parents may have brought their children up without love or care. The children will grow up having no love and compassion towards others. So without some degree of attachment, we cannot respect or feel love and compassion towards others. Q6 Venerable, one of my friends always says to me "You'll never understand me." How can I answer this person ? A6 Perhaps this person speaks to you from anger and frustration. You must be patient and wait until their anger or strong emotion has passed and then try and discuss the situation again with them. --------------------- Venerable Antonio Satta was ordained near Pisa, Italy 14 years ago, and is curently based at the Vajrayana Institute at No.1 Guthrie St., Cremorne. Abridgement of the Dhamma talk given on Friday, May 28th 1993 at the UNSW as reported by Mike Kiddle. Friday Dhamma Talks between 7pm - 8.30pm are conducted regularly by the Unibuds through out the year, and are open to all students and the general public.